


Death of Me

by allweneedofhell



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Other, motorcycle rue, rue is clean in this, soft lexi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-10-10 02:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20520107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allweneedofhell/pseuds/allweneedofhell
Summary: AU where Rue is a tattoo artist who is deathly allergic to flowers and Lexi is a florist who is terrified of needles.This was all @Cuhlexah. She just let me write it. Props to her for an amazing idea.





	1. Dizzy on the Comedown

**Author's Note:**

> this is mostly a lot of background for you all to get a feel for the characters in this AU. 
> 
> "I've been dying to get you dizzy"

Lexi Howard had never really been a risk taker. As a kid, she was always shy, reserved even. The other kids would run in the streets, playing cops and robbers, and she would sit on her porch, drawing flowers. In high school, her classmates would get drunk every weekend, smoke, and fuck. Meanwhile, Lexi would work on her garden in her mother’s backyard. Flowers always kept her grounded, gave her something to take care of. She had spent years caring for her mom, who was a raging alcoholic, and her sister Cassie, who was promiscuous as all hell. This is not to say that Lexi was a prude, she was just guarded. She saw all the hurt her sister and her mom went through, all because they opened up their hearts to assholes that didn’t deserve them. So, Lexi ignored all the guys who asked her out in high school and focused on herself. 

When it was time to go to college, Lexi wanted to move far away from home. Humboldt State University had one of the best botany programs in the country, but it was still in California. As big as the state was, Lexi felt suffocated. She was surrounded by egomaniacs, self-absorbed brats who had everything handed to them. It didn’t feel real to her. So, she took a risk and moved all the way to Michigan, to attend Michigan State University. 

When she told her mom and her sister, they both freaked out. Her mom didn’t want Lexi that far from home and Cassie didn’t know how her sister would survive the cold. “You know it’s like negative fucking 20 there in the winter right?” She questioned when Lexi told her. Lexi reassured her that she would be fine; if she could survive high school in one of the most narcissistic cities in the world, she could survive a little snow. 

Lexi graduated in four years, with honors. She loved Michigan, even if it was terrible trekking through the snow to get to class. Everyone there was so down to earth, and she made so many friends in her botany program. She even tried to date, realizing quickly she wasn’t into men at all. Lexi had a serious girlfriend, Ash, during her last two years at school. She loved Ash to death, and had plans to live with her in Michigan. 

Shortly after graduation, Lexi’s mom died. She was devastated, and Cassie was even worse. She went to a local college after high school, living in an apartment just blocks from their childhood home. She took care of her mom as her drinking got worse and worse. Finally, her body couldn’t take it anymore, and she collapsed at home. She was in the hospital for weeks, but never recovered. Cassie took it all very hard, and one night called Lexi, begging for her to come home and stay there. “Please Lex. I need you.” Cassie pleaded. Lexi could never say no to her sister. As much as it hurt her to leave Ash, she had to go back home. Back to the town she hated. 

Lexi decided to move into Cassie’s apartment. It was spacious and beautiful, with windows that stretched from the ceiling to the floor. Lexi would drink a cup of coffee every morning, just staring out the window at the sunrise.  _ I guess California isn’t so bad _ , she thought as the sun peaked through the trees. 

One day she was walking through her neighborhood when she saw a FOR RENT sign on a local storefront. It had always been her dream to open up her own flower shop, where she could just spend hours arranging bouquets, smelling each blossom. She signed the lease on the shop and had a flourishing business, becoming a local favorite. 

Everything was going to plan for Lexi, she had dreams and she was able to achieve every single one of them. But then she met Rue and her world was turned upside down.

…

“Lexiiiiiiiii. Pleasssseee.” Cassie was on her knees, pleading in front of her little sister. “You promised!”

“I promised I would come with you to get your tattoo, not get one myself!” Lexi was terrified of needles. When she was little, she would scream and cry whenever she had to get a shot. It was a normal childhood fear, but somehow, it stuck with Lexi. When her mom was in the hospital, she had to leave the room whenever the nurse would change out her I.V. bag. A tattoo seemed out of the question for her. 

“C’mon Lex. You know Mom would love it.” Lexi had to admit, the tattoo design was beautiful. It was a lily, brilliantly colored ( _ it almost looks real, like I could smell it,  _ Lexi thought) with her mom’s birthday above it, in roman numerals. Their mom loved lilies; Lexi would always plant them in their backyard just for her. 

“Will it hurt?” Lexi questioned, already knowing the answer.  _ No shit, it’s gonna hurt. Needles are going to be blasting into your skin,  _ she thought, shuddering. 

“I’ll be right there, holding your hand.” Cassie said reassuringly, taking her sister’s hand. “For mom?”

Lexi sighed. She could never say no to Cassie. “Fine. Let’s go.”

…

Waiting in the lobby of the tattoo shop was excruciating. Lexi’s leg bounced up and down, shaking her seat. She was so fucking nervous and was already regretting her decision to do this. 

“It’s gonna be okay.” Cassie grinned at Lexi, putting a hand on her leg to steady it. “This tattoo artist is amazing, I’m telling you.”

Lexi stared at the ground, trying to calm down, trying to think of anything else, when a voice brought her back to reality. 

“Howard sisters! Ya ready?” Lexi looked up to the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She was tall as hell, with a body like a supermodel. Her curly hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, waves cascading down her shoulders. Her dark eyes stared right into Lexi's before smiling, possibly the cutest smile Lexi had ever seen. And those fucking  _ lips. _

Cassie went up to hug her. Lexi’s sister had her fair share of tattoos, and they were obviously all done by this mystery woman. 

“Lexi, this is Rue.” 

“H-hi.” Lexi choked out. Lexi’s throat was so dry. Before she had been nervous because of the tattoo, but now she was a thousand times more nervous due to the gorgeous woman in front of her. 

“Nice to meet you, Lexi. C’mon back. Cass, you wanna go first?”

“Definitely.” Cassie responded. “Lexi needs some reassurance.”

“Hey, it’s going to be fine.” Rue put her hand on Lexi’s shoulder. “I’ll be gentle.” She flashed that breathtaking smile again, and Lexi was about to jump out of her skin. 

As Rue began to work on Cassie’s tattoo, Lexi had to look away. Just seeing the needle sent shivers down her spine, she couldn’t bring herself to look as it dragged across her sister’s skin, leaving a trail of color behind. But she was so entranced by Rue, the way her brow furrowed as she concentrated, how the muscles in her arms moved as she worked, but mostly, Lexi couldn’t get enough of the tattoos on Rue’s skin. So many fucking flowers, they were all gorgeous and colorful. Lexi almost wanted to lean in and smell them, even though she knew they weren’t real. 

“You love flowers I’m guessing?” Rue asked when she caught Lexi staring at her. 

“Y-yeah. I actually have a flower shop down the street.”

“That’s cool.” She said, going back to work on Cassie’s skin. “I’m highly allergic to like, all flowers.” Rue laughed. “But they are fucking beautiful, so I made my own flower garden that won’t kill me.” 

“It’s gorgeous.” Lexi said, blushing deeply. 

“All right, all done!” Rue said, wiping a towel over Cassie’s skin.  _ Damn, she’s fucking talented,  _ Lexi thought. It looked like you could actually pick the flower, it popped on Cassie’s fair skin. 

“I fucking love it.” Cassie beamed, admiring her arm. “Thanks Rue!”

“Your turn!” Rue gestured towards the chair as she got her station set up. Lexi made sure to look away when she grabbed the sterile needle from its packaging to insert into the tattoo gun. Cassie grabbed her hand and sat beside her. 

“Don’t worry Lexi, it’s gonna be fine. I’m right here. Mom’s smiling down on you right now.” She smiled at her sister warmly, quickly wiping away a tear from her eye. 

“I’m all set.” Rue said, putting on her gloves. “You tell me if you need a break okay? I’ve got you.” Lexi was nervous as fuck, but Rue was definitely helping her feel better. She didn’t think she would actually go through with it. Lexi thought she would get to the shop and chicken out. But Rue was so sweet, so reassuring, and so fucking breathtaking that Lexi had to believe that it would all be okay. She went to begin the tattoo. Lexi gasped and looked away, eyes tightly shut, biting her bottom lip.  _ Fuck, it hurts!  _ She thought as the world started to swim.

And then everything went black. 


	2. Weathering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i'm not a blank key, waiting for you to etch into me"

Lexi had never passed out in her life. Needless to say, she was very fucking confused when she woke up. She was slumped on Rue’s tattoo chair, and felt a cold washcloth on her forehead, as her eyes fluttered open.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Rue smiled warmly.  _ Fuck, did I really just pass out in front of HER???? _ Lexi’s flushed cheeks turned beet red. “Here, eat this. You need to get your blood sugar up.” Rue handed Lexi a granola bar, and despite how woozy she was, she took a tiny bite. 

“What happened?”

“Well, Rue here did about one line on your skin before you passed out.” Cassie explained, looking at Lexi worryingly. “Did you not eat today, Lex?” She thought back to earlier in the day. All she had was a cup of coffee before Cassie whisked her out the door. Lexi shook her head. 

“Well, no wonder you passed out, goofy.” Rue teased, patting the washcloth on Lexi’s forehead. “No food mixed with a deathly fear of needles will do that to ya.” She then gave Lexi her best smile, and Lexi felt like she was going to pass out again.  _ Keep it the fuck together, Howard.  _

“A-are we going to finish?” Lexi’s throat felt terribly dry, and thankfully, Rue seemed to notice how hoarse her voice was and quickly grabbed her a bottle of water, which Lexi gulped down. 

“Absolutely not.” Rue replied. “You need actual food, not just a granola bar.” Lexi looked down at the singular line of black ink on her forearm and felt ridiculous. 

“Will you be good to grab something on your own, Lex? I have a lesson.” Cassie had been giving ice skating lessons at their local rink for years now. It was the one thing she had to distract her from the pain of losing her mom and dad. 

“Naw, don’t worry about it Cass. I’ll take her somewhere.” Rue blurted out before Lexi could answer.  _ I’ve gotta be alone with her?! _ Lexi honestly didn’t think she could handle it; she had embarrassed herself enough as it is. 

Lexi opened her mouth to protest. “Nuh-uh, I don’t wanna hear it.” Rue said, putting a finger to Lexi’s lips. “Besides, I’m hungry as fuck.” She helped Lexi up, her knees felt so wobbly. Lexi’s lips were on fire, it felt like Rue had burnt her skin. 

“Are you able to hold on?” Rue asked, leading Lexi outside. 

“Hold on?”

“Can you hold onto me?” Rue gestured towards a  _ fucking  _ motorcycle.  _ She rides a bike? Could she be any hotter? _

“Y-yeah.” Honestly, the thought of wrapping her arms around Rue’s waist was too much for Lexi to handle, but she wanted it all the same. 

_ Breathe. Here goes nothing. _

…

It was amazing how much Rue could eat with a body that small and fit. She ordered a huge stack of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee and was doing work on all of them. Lexi hated eating in front of people she didn’t know, so she ordered a small order of french toast and some tea. 

“Seriously, you need to eat.” Rue gestured at Lexi’s plate with her fork, mouth full of pancakes. “You’ll be out of it all day otherwise, trust me.”

Lexi timidly started eating her french toast. Rue even made eating look attractive, and she was the messiest eater Lexi had ever seen. 

“So what’s your deal, Lexi? I know Cass pretty well, but you are nothing alike.” 

“Um, well, I’m a florist.” Lexi began, carefully chewing her food. “Flowers have always been my thing.”

“Obviously. But Cassie said you used to live in Michigan?”

“Yeah, I went to school there. Honestly, I never planned on leaving.”

“Why?” Rue questioned, her eyebrow raised. “Isn’t it like, freezing there?”

“Yeah, but....LA has always been a little much for me. And, I had a….girlfriend.”

“Ah-ha! There we go! I knew it, my gaydar was tingling the second you walked through the door.”  _ Shit, shit, shit, she’s GAY too? _ Lexi didn’t know how to respond so she just took a huge gulp of tea, effectively burning her tongue in the process.  _ I’m a mess. _

“Are you still together?”

“No…” Lexi began, all too aware that this conversation was going to make her cry. “When my mom died, I moved back to be with Cassie. I didn’t want to do long distance. It-it hurt too much.” Her lip was now trembling.  _ Fuck don’t do it.  _

“Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it.” Rue put her hand on Lexi’s, effectively soothing her. Lexi was already entranced by Rue. She had this calming presence that Lexi craved. Her whole life, Lexi had to be the composed one. She helped her mom through her constant alcoholic breakdowns. She held Cassie when her heart got broken by one of her many boyfriends. And Ash. Her ex had her fair share of issues, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the beginning of their relationship. She eventually started taking meds, but it took awhile for them to kick in, and in the meantime, Ash treated Lexi like her own personal punching bag. She was always apologetic afterwards, blaming it on her mental state, and Lexi would always forgive her. But it was extremely toxic. And even though Lexi was crushed, she had to leave Ash behind, to start a new chapter in LA. 

And there was something about Rue that made her forget Ash and her pain. She looked like such a badass with her tattoos and her motorcycle. But her eyes were warm, they burned into Lexi everytime she looked at her. And her fucking hands. The tips of her fingers were calloused, but soft at the same time. It felt so good to have Rue touch her, to comfort her. And she had known her for all of two hours.  _ What is she doing to me? _

The bill came and Lexi rummaged through her purse when Rue stopped her. “Naw, I got this. After all, I did make you pass out.” She winked at Lexi. Fucking winked. Lexi had never been so turned on by just looking at someone. “Let me give you a ride back to the shop, I know it’s closer to your place.”

Lexi was ecstatic, she got to wrap her arms around Rue’s slender waist  _ again _ . She felt like she was on cloud fucking nine, until they pulled up to the tattoo parlor, and Lexi saw an absolutely stunning girl waving enthusiastically at Rue. 

“Hi baby!!” She said, running up to hug Rue.  _ Baby?  _

“Jules! I didn’t think you would be back till tomorrow!” Rue wrapped her arms around the tall blonde.   
  


“My flight got in early and I wanted to surprise you. I missed you so much.” Jules kissed Rue deeply before breaking away and turning to Lexi. “Who’s this?”

“This is Lexi! Cassie’s sister! I tattoed-well, tried to tattoo her today.” 

Lexi shook Jules hand, trying not to look upset.  _ Of course she has a fucking girlfriend.  _ And Jules was fucking gorgeous. She looked like some next level anime character. Lexi felt like an idiot. Rue would never be attracted to her, not when she had a girlfriend who exuded such sex appeal. 

“Alright, well, I better get going.” Lexi couldn’t bring herself to look at either of them, and fixated on her shoes instead. “It was nice meeting both of you!” She started to walk away, because  _ damn, _ she felt like she was going to cry when she felt a hand on her arm. 

“Here.” Rue said, handing her a black business card. “It’s got my cell on it. If you ever want to finish that tattoo.” She flashed her breathtaking smile at Lexi before walking back into Jules’ arms. 

_ I’m fucked. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked it :)  
don't really know where i'm going with this story, but i'm living for this AU.  
title is based off my friend's band parkway and columbia, you should really check them out !
> 
> give me a follow on twitter, let's yell about rexi @darkjosdoormat


	3. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the relationship deepens....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "give me love or leave me hopeless"

Lexi spent the whole day in bed, rewatching old episodes of Jersey Shore. It was her depression routine, and it _ kind of _ worked. Watching trashy girls pull at each other’s weaves and beefcakes fight distracted her from the fact that Rue _ kinda fucked _ her up. She knew it seemed ridiculous (after all, she barely knew Rue) but she had put Lexi under her fucking spell. She ran her fingers over the line of ink on her arm, wished she wasn’t such a coward. The ink was raised on her skin, and it reminded Lexi that she wasn’t crazy, that Rue did exist, that those fleeting moments did happen. She looked at Rue’s business card over and over again, contemplated calling her, thought about finishing the tattoo. But deep down, she knew she would probably pass out and make a fool of herself yet again. 

“So what’s the deal with Jules?” Lexi was sitting across the dining room table from Cassie, shoving cereal in her mouth. She hadn’t ate since her breakfast with Rue yesterday, and she was starving. 

“Um, I don’t know her very well. But I know her and Rue have been dating since high school.” _ Fucking great, high school sweethearts. _“Jules is a fashion designer, so she’s in New York half the time.”

“Mm” Lexi grumbled. 

“So you like Rue, huh?” Cassie teased. Lexi gave her a surprised look. “C’mon Lex, it was super fucking obvious.”

“Great…” 

“Listen, Jules is great, but she’s gone half the time, and Rue is always complaining about it. And you know what I’ve always said: go and do whoever the fuck-”

“-you want.” Lexi finished. “I don’t have a chance with Rue, especially with Jules in the picture.”

_ Now what? _

…

Monday was a busy day at Lexi’s flower shop. She didn’t know if there was something in the air, but so many guys came through, picking up bouquets for their partners, and they were all obviously in the dog house. Lexi loved flowers, but she never understood why people (especially men) thought that flowers would fix everything. It was a crutch, and a stupid one at that. 

She was fucking exhausted, and couldn’t wait to grab a bottle of wine, go home, and relax. Red wine had become her nightly routine. She wasn’t an alcoholic persay, but her reliance on it still freaked her out, considering what had happened to her mom. 

“Long day?” Lexi whipped around to find Rue, leaning against her motorcycle. 

“Jesus!” Lexi yelped, dropping her keys to the concrete. She did not want Rue to see her like this. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, frizz flying everywhere. And she was _ fucking dirty, _ working with plants would do that to you. “What are you doing here?”

“I was bored. Thought I would check up on you. See how that tattoo is healing.” Rue teased. 

“Ha Ha.” Lexi rolled her eyes, trying to keep her composure. “Shouldn’t you be hanging out with Jules?” _ That came out way meaner than I intended. _“I mean, didn’t she just get back into town?”

“Only for a couple days. She left a few hours ago.” Rue had a look on her face that Lexi couldn’t place. “But it’s all good. What are you up to tonight?” 

“Um...a bottle of wine?” Lexi replied. Normally, she was very shy about her drinking habits. She even hid them from Cassie. She didn’t want her big sister to think she was going down the wrong path, and she wasn’t; Lexi just really fucking needed a glass (or a bottle) of wine every now and then. 

“Well, I can’t let you drink by yourself. Mind if I join?”

Lexi’s heart was hammering in her chest. Rue made her insanely nervous, yet had this calming presence to her as well. She really wanted to hang out with Rue, and thought the alcohol might help her loosen up and not act like such a panicky idiot. _ Fuck it. _

“Sure. But you’re getting your own bottle. I had a rough day.”

…

“There’s NO WAY. You have to be lying!” Lexi and Rue were sitting on opposite ends of the couch in Lexi’s apartment. They were both almost done with their bottles of red wine, and were feeling very bubbly and light. Lexi was telling Rue the story of the time she won a case race in college. She left out the part that Ash was her partner, any mention of her ex's name caused pain to shoot through her. Rue didn’t believe her regardless. “You are so full of shit, Howard.”

“I swear! I threw down in college!” Lexi was cracking up. Looking at it from Rue’s perspective, Lexi understood that she looked like such an innocent person. Her clothes weren’t conservative, but they weren’t edgy either. And she was a florist for fucks sake. She knew she didn’t give off a partying vibe. And she hadn’t really partied till college anyways, and that was all because of her friend group. And Ash, who was a borderline alcoholic. 

“Whatever Howard.” Rue poured her final glass of wine, shaking the bottle to get every last drop. “So when did a crazy party girl decide to become a florist?”

“I’ve always wanted to be one. One of my first memories involved flowers.” Lexi thought back to that day. Her dad had brought her and Cassie to a pumpkin patch; she couldn’t have been older than 4. Behind the pumpkin patch was a huge field of sunflowers. Little Lexi was immediately drawn to them, and ran into the field as soon as her dad turned his back. She ran and ran until she was out of breath, gazing up at the bright yellow that radiated all around her. Lexi’s father was furious with her when he finally found her, but the anger quickly turned to compassion as he used a pocket knife to cut down one of the stalks, handing Lexi the giant flower. It was about the size of her head, but she remembers taking a big whiff and immediately falling in love with the smell. From that moment on, she begged her parents to go to the store to get flowers to plant. They helped her at first, but she quickly got the hang of it, and soon enough, the Howard’s back yard was filled with beautiful flowers. 

Lexi quickly realized she was getting lost in her own thoughts, and shook her head as if to rid the memories from her brain. “How about you? How did you become such a bad ass in the tattoo world?”

Rue swirled her wine around in her glass, staring at her knees and smiling softly to herself. 

When she finally looked up at Lexi, her eyes were glossy, and it wasn’t just from the alcohol. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Lexi said, scooting closer to Rue on the couch. The wine was definitely doing its job because Lexi reached out to put her hand on top of Rue’s. 

“No it’s okay.” Rue replied, running her fingers over Lexi’s palm. Lexi sighed and eased into Rue’s touch. She could definitely get used to this. 

“I-I was a drug addict.” Rue began, not able to look Lexi in the eyes anymore. “It started when I was really young, when my dad died. Painkillers, benzos, anything I could get my hands on really. In high school, those all stopped working. So I moved on...to heroin.” Lexi squeezed Rue’s hand, giving her the same reassurance that Rue had given her days before. Lexi’s dad was also a heroin addict, so she felt for Rue. “It was really bad. I overdosed a-and probably would have again. But then Jules happened.” Rue’s lower lip was quivering uncontrollably, she was trying so hard to fight back tears. “I-I fell for her, and she wouldn’t have anything to do with me if I stayed on drugs, so I went to rehab and stopped. But the pain didn’t go away. So I cut myself.” Rue extended her arm, and under the brilliantly colored tattoos, Lexi could see the scars. She lightly dragged her fingers across them, causing Rue to sigh softly. “It got really bad, so I went into inpatient therapy. It was there I learned to draw. But I still craved the pain. That’s when I got my first tattoo gun, a-and I haven’t stopped since.” 

Rue finally locked eyes with Lexi and tears were streaming down her face. She looked so vulnerable, and so damn cute. Lexi couldn’t resist. She set down her wine glass and wiped Rue’s tears away. Rue smiled as soon as Lexi’s fingers brushed across her cheeks. 

“I-I’ve never opened up like that before to someone I just met.” Rue locked her fingers around Lexi’s arm, stroking her wrist. Sparks flew through Lexi’s body; she had never felt this way before.

“Neither have I.” Lexi whispered. She noticed Rue’s eyes darting to her lips. 

“You have a wine moustache, Howard.” Rue teased, trying to lighten the mood. She wet her finger with her tongue, and dragged it across Lexi’s upper lip, causing Lexi to gasp. 

Before Lexi could react (because, holy fuck, that gasp was loud and Rue definitely heard it), Rue’s lips were on hers. Lexi could have melted away right then and there, turned into a puddle on the floor and been content for the rest of her life. She thought Rue’s fingers were soft, but holy fuck, those lips. 

Lexi moved her lips against Rue’s; she felt like she was in a dream. This couldn’t actually be happening, right? She had lusted after Rue ever since she saw her (it was two days ago, but it felt like years). Lexi thought about Rue constantly. She tried to distract herself with shitty tv and work, but nothing worked. Everytime she closed her eyes, she saw Rue, grinning back at her. Then she was reminded of Jules, got depressed, and tried to imagine what things would be like if she didn’t exist. And this was it. It was like nobody else in the world existed except for her and Rue. 

Rue’s tongue ran along Lexi’s bottom lip, and she shivered. When their tongues met, Lexi moaned into Rue’s mouth. She was kind of embarrassed over the fact that Rue had this effect on her, but she pushed her thoughts into the back of her mind as she deepened the kiss. 

Rue’s phone buzzed loudly on Lexi’s table, startling the two, and breaking them apart. Lexi was disappointed with the lack of contact, and even more let down when she saw the screen. 

** _Jules would like to Facetime. _ **

_ Fuck. _

Rue suddenly looked terrified, silencing her phone and shoving it into her pocket. Jules had ruined their moment, took Lexi away from her fantasy, and she was pissed. She wanted to comfort Rue, to tell her that it was okay, that it was a mistake (even though it fucking wasn’t), but words failed her. Lexi just stared at Rue with her mouth wide open, as Rue abruptly stood up and looked around frantically for her jacket. 

“I-um-I’ve got to go.” She said shakily. “I-I’m sorry. I’ll see you.” Rue grabbed her jacket and bolted for the door, slamming it behind her. 

In a matter of seconds, Lexi was living out her wildest dreams. And it quickly turned into her worst nightmare. It was like Rue was never even there, like she fantasized the whole thing. 

Lexi fell asleep on the couch crying, staring at the wine bottle in front of her, trying to convince herself that Rue was actually in her apartment hours before. 

_ What am I going to do now? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked it!!!! there's definitely gonna be some angst in the next couple chapters so buckle up.
> 
> as always, please leave comments to let me know what you thought! they keep me going :)


	4. Batter Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the first chapter i'm doing from Rue's point of view! wanted to get inside her head a little after she left Lexi's apartment in a rush!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's never gonna stop, batter up."

When Rue got back to her stingy apartment above the tattoo shop, she sat down in the dark for what felt like hours. Her phone buzzed over and over again in her pocket, a dull humming sound that she eventually ignored. She knew it was probably Jules, wondering where was she was and what she was doing (Jules was always concerned Rue was relapsing, even though she had been clean for 5 years now). Rue didn’t want to talk to her right now. She didn’t want to talk to anyone or think about anything after what just happened. But her brain just wouldn’t shut off. 

Rue shouldn’t have felt bad for kissing Lexi; after all, her and Jules had an open relationship. At first, they were monogamous (which Rue suspected Jules resented), but as they got older, Rue found her eyes wandering. Jules used to be the only person she paid attention to. But then, she started to get more attention from women (she thought it might have something to do with the tattoos), and she felt...weird just being with Jules. And she knew her girlfriend would be okay with it, Jules was able to have connections with more than one person at once. However, Rue made it very clear that even though they were open, it would just be physical, just sex. If any sort of emotions were involved, then they needed to have a serious talk, because Rue couldn’t stand the thought of sharing Jules’ heart with someone else. 

But she did feel bad. Because when she first met Lexi, she was immediately drawn to her. She had this aura of innocence, even though Rue knew deep down, she wasn’t as modest as she looked. Lexi was fucking adorable, and Rue found herself wanting to get closer to her. So now, she was the one with feelings for someone else, something she had very clearly stated to Jules wasn’t okay, and she couldn’t face her girlfriend right now, even through the phone. 

Being this attracted to someone off the bat scared the shit out of Rue. This hadn’t happened since high school, since Jules. Back then, she was so taken by Jules, it was like another drug for her. Something more powerful than fentanyl and heroin combined. But Lexi felt different. Their connection was just as strong, it just seemed much more stable. And that’s why, after a couple days of knowing each other, Rue had opened up to her, cried in front of her, and kissed her. Her lips felt so damn soft; it was unlike anything Rue had ever felt before. 

She was spiraling, quickly. When Rue got upset, she thought too much, looked into things too hard. That caused her brain to enter this whirlwind, where she couldn’t do anything else except sit and think. She had to snap herself out of this, before it got out of control, and she spent days on her couch, staring at the ceiling. 

Rue grabbed her phone out of her pocket.  **You have 6 missed calls from Jules. ** _ Fuck,  _ Rue thought as she scrolled through Jules’ messages. 

_ Hi baby, just got done with the fashion show, what are you up to? _

_ I know you’re not at work. _

_ Plz pick up.  _

_ Babe? _

_ I’m just gonna assume you are hooking up with someone. Call me later.  _

The last message sounded almost passive aggressive, which was stupid, considering Jules’ had hooked up with way more people than Rue had during their time being in an open relationship. She quickly typed out a response to Jules before putting her phone on “do not disturb” mode.

_ Hey... sorry, had a rough night. Gonna drink some tea and try to sleep. Call you tomorrow.  _

Rue couldn’t deal with Jules tonight. She felt too guilty; she couldn’t talk to her girlfriend when all she could think about was Lexi Howard. She checked her watch, realizing two hours had passed since she left Lexi’s place. She grabbed her helmet and keys and was out the door, hoping,  _ praying,  _ Lexi was still awake. 

…

Rue spent a good twenty minutes slowly and lightly knocking on Lexi’s door before it escalated to a more rapid thumping. Her knuckles were beginning to hurt, but she was determined to talk to Lexi. She didn’t want to wait until tomorrow, but knowing Rue, she would spend all night slumped against her door until she went to work in the morning. When she set her mind to something, it was impossible to steer her away from it.

She still questioned why she was doing this. It’s not like she really knew Lexi. But she decided that she didn’t really care. Rue couldn’t exactly put a finger on what drew her to Lexi, but she was fucking intrigued and had to find out.

Finally, the door opened, revealing a very disheveled and confused Lexi. Her hair was a mess, sticking up on one side from where she had fallen asleep, slumped against the side of the couch. Makeup ran down her face and her eyes were extremely puffy.  _ Fuck, I made her cry.  _ Rue immediately wanted to cup her hands around Lexi’s face, to kiss the redness under her eyes, to hug her so tight they became one. 

“Rue?” Lexi croaked, her voice raspy from sobbing. “What are you doing here? What time is it?”

“It’s late, really late. I-I’m sorry. I just-can I come in?” 

Lexi nodded, moving herself out of the way so Rue could step into the dark apartment. She went to sit on the couch, in the exact spot she was hours before. 

“Lexi, I’m so sorry about earlier. I-I couldn’t help myself, I haven’t opened up to anyone like that before and I feel so connected to you and-”

“What about Jules?” Lexi interrupted. She was glaring at Rue, with her arms across her chest, hovering over her.

“Well, we are in an open relationship, but still. This isn’t about her. She’s gone all the fucking time anyways.”

“Well, why did you leave?” Lexi questioned, finally sitting down next to Rue on the couch, still too scared to face her. “We could have talked.”

“I know, I know. I just-got scared? I mean, we just met and I feel like I’ve known you for years. And I don’t know what it means.”

Lexi sighed softly, turning her body to face Rue. “I get it. I do.” She finally looked up at Rue; her gaze was so intense, and Rue felt like her whole body was on fire. “I-I feel the same. There’s something about you.”

Rue took Lexi’s hand in her own, running her fingers over Lexi’s veins. Rue was always fascinated with hands. It was one of the first things that had attracted her to Jules. Her fingers were slender and extremely pale, almost like a ghost. Yet, they were extremely soft to the touch, Rue almost felt like she would break through Jules’ skin if she grasped them too hard. Lexi’s hands were different. They felt delicate, yet tough at the same time. Her veins were pronounced (which Rue found extremely sexy), and her fingers were long and tan. Even though she worked with flowers day in and day out, her fingers weren’t at all dirty, and her nails were kept short and trimmed. Rue found herself fascinated by them, before she realized she wasn’t responding to Lexi due to being completely entranced. 

“This is crazy.” Rue said softly, chuckling. “What should we do?”

“For now...let’s get to know each other. I want to know everything about you.”

“That sounds...perfect.” Rue and Lexi smiled brightly at each other. “I’m so sorry, for waking you. I should let you get some sleep.” Rue went to get up, already feeling so much better than she had before from their short talk. 

“Wait.” Lexi stopped her, placing a firm hand on Rue’s knee.

“Please stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!! things are moving slowly but surely for our soft baby gays! there's gonna be some fluff coming next chapter, followed by a lot of angst, so buckle up kids! 
> 
> as always, thank you all so much for your kind words! let me know what you think!!!


	5. Waiting Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to say your love is a waiting game"

When Lexi’s alarm clock started steadily beeping the next morning, she wanted nothing more to throw it across the room. She had barely slept, her eyes felt extremely heavy as they squinted open, only to find her alarm clock snooze button. As she reached for it, she felt Rue’s arms around her, tightening their grip on her stomach, pulling her closer. They must have found this position in their sleep. When Lexi asked Rue to say, all she did was smile softly, as they moved up to the pillows on Lexi’s bed. They spent their last waking moments just staring into each other’s eyes, not a word was exchanged. It felt strangely peaceful. Both knew they needed to talk more, to figure out whatever  _ this _ was, but last night didn’t feel like the right time.

Rue groaned next to her, burying her face into Lexi’s neck. In her sleepy haze, she had completely forgotten where she was. The skin on skin contact woke her up, as she pulled back suddenly. 

“S-sorry.” Rue whispered, removing her hand from Lexi’s stomach. Lexi felt empty, like all the warmth in the world had been taken from her. 

“Don’t be sorry.” She turned around to face Rue, taking her hand in hers. Rue’s touch sent sparks of electricity through the tips of her fingers, all the way down to her toes. Lexi shivered at the feeling. “This felt-nice.”

“Yeah, it did.” Rue agreed, looking at Lexi with a kind of soft intensity. “I-I want to do this again.”

Lexi had never heard Rue stutter so much. Normally, the girl seemed so damn confident. But this was new for both of them, and they were extremely nervous. “Me too.”

“But...I have to sort some things out, with Jules.” The mention of the blonde’s name caused Lexi’s stomach to flip. She knew that there was definitely something between her and Rue, but would she be able to compete with someone Rue had known since high school? Someone that helped Rue get sober? Lexi wasn’t so sure. 

Rue must have seen the doubt flicker on Lexi’s face, because she placed her free hand on Lexi’s cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb. 

“Don’t worry, Lex. I want to explore this, explore you.” Rue’s words caused warmth to spread straight to Lexi’s core. She knew Rue probably didn’t mean it so damn literally, but the thought of Rue “exploring her” was almost too much to handle. She imagined what being naked with Rue would feel like, what it would feel like to have Rue’s hands touching her, everywhere. Lexi bit her lip, feeling arousal in between her legs. 

“Hey, earth to Lexi!” Rue said, waving her hand in front of her face. “Ya there?” 

Lexi turned extremely red, knowing she had been daydreaming about being intimate with Rue right in front of her. “Y-yeah, sorry.”

“No worries.” Rue got up, still in her clothes from the night before. “I gotta go home and change before work. I’ll call you?” 

“Please do.” Lexi quickly hugged the taller girl before she was out the door. The ball was in Rue’s court. She had to trust that Rue would talk to Jules, and come back to her. But that was the hard part. Lexi had never trusted anyone or anything other than herself. And putting that much trust in someone she had met a couple days ago scared the shit out of her. 

…

Rue spent her entire day in a haze. She had two major tattoo appointments, and crushed them as always, but she wasn’t her normal chatty self. She dove into her work, got lost in the ink. All she could think about was Lexi, and how good it felt to be close to her. It reminded her of high school, of Jules. It was all consuming. 

Jules was supposed to be in town in a couple days, and Rue was extremely nervous. She hadn’t talked to her girlfriend since she had essentially shut her down the night before. She knew she couldn’t be around Lexi tonight-it was too damn tempting-so before bed, her and Jules would have their nightly facetime session. Rue had to admit-she missed Jules. Things hadn’t been the same for the two in forever, but Rue still got butterflies in her stomach whenever she looked at her-which made her feelings for Lexi all the more confusing. Rue never thought she could have romantic feelings for two people at once. 

Once the shop was closed, Rue picked up some takeout from her favorite Chinese place. Before Jules started working in New York, it was their favorite spot. They used to get an obscene amount of food and eat themselves into a food coma on Rue’s floor. Some of Rue’s fondest memories included laying in bed, completely stuffed, hands intertwined with Jules, as they laughed so hard their sides hurt. 

Now, she ate the takeout alone on her dining room table, staring at her phone. Rue had just worked up the nerve to facetime Jules, when her girlfriend seemed to read her mind and popped up on her screen. 

“Hi baby!” Jules was a flash of color on the screen, obviously in the middle of something.

“Hey!” Rue mumbled, mouth full of sweet and sour chicken. “What are you doing?”

“I have a shoot in a couple hours-trying to get my life together. What else is new?” 

“You’re still coming into town this weekend right?” Rue asked hopefully. As much as she wanted to figure things out with Lexi, she desperately missed Jules and needed to talk to her about how she’d been feeling-in person. 

“Oh fuck baby.” As soon as Rue heard those three words, her stomach dropped. More often than not, Jules had to bail on their plans. Part of Rue understood-she was a fucking fashion designer. The other part of her died a little inside every time Jules couldn’t see her. Not to mention she never EVER invited Rue to New York. “I’m really caught up with things here, I have multiple shoots-”

“It’s fine.” Rue said, trying to hide the sadness from her voice. “Some other time, I guess.”

“Baby, please don’t be mad.” Jules had finally stopped moving around and was flashing Rue her best puppy dog eyes, which Rue couldn’t resist. “Things are crazy around here, I wish I could be with you this weekend.” 

“I just-I miss you, Jules.” 

“I know, I miss you too. I swear, once this shit is over with, I’ll take a whole week off and we can spend it together okay? Do something crazy and fun like we used to?”

Rue caved and finally smiled. She was bummed that Jules couldn’t come up this weekend, because they really needed to talk, but she couldn’t help but beam when she thought back on her and Jules’ crazy road trips. Before the tattoo shop, before New York, they used to take off to San Francisco or Big Sur for the weekend-camp alongside the road, stay up all night looking at the stars. Rue knew these memories were the reason why it was so hard to let Jules go, even if their relationship was not what it used to be. 

“Sounds good.” 

“I gotta go. I love you, baby!” Jules blew her a quick kiss then hung up. Rue stared down at her plate, no longer hungry. 

_ Hey lex. Come over? _

She knew it was wrong, to use Lexi to get over how sad she felt about her failing relationship, but she needed the attention. And Lexi was so damn intriguing, Rue just couldn’t help herself anymore. 

_ Be right there :) _

…

“God damn, Rue. Why did you order so much food?” Lexi asked, patting her stomach. When she had come over, she helped Rue finish up the ridiculous amount of chinese food she ordered. 

“I guess I was just planning on inviting you over.” Rue said, smirking at Lexi. And okay-technically that was a lie, but she was still excited to see Lexi, even though it had been about twelve hours since they parted. “How was work?”

“Fucking exhausting.” Lexi sighed. “I mean, I’m happy business is doing well, but I may need to hire help soon.”

“Wait-you work there by yourself?” Rue was astonished. Lexi’s shop was right in the middle of their neighborhood and got an insane amount of foot traffic.

“I’ve always done everything myself.” Lexi blushed as she stared at her lap. “I’m just used to it.”

“I would help you if I could. But I mean, I would just-die, and that wouldn't be very helpful.”

“And I couldn’t have that.” Lexi looked at Rue, smiling shyly.  _ Fuck, she’s so cute.  _ Before Lexi came over, Rue couldn’t stop thinking about Jules, and now, her heart was skipping a beat just looking at Lexi’s smile. 

“You done eating?” She asked Lexi, getting up and grabbing her coat.

“Yeah...why?”

“C’mon, I want to show you something.”

…

Lexi could feel herself easing into Rue’s back. Something about riding on the back of Rue’s motorcycle was so freeing. Normally, she would be so reserved about something like this-after all, motorcycles were fucking death traps. But Rue made her feel safe. And it gave her an excuse to hold on tight, locking her fingers around Rue’s stomach. 

Rue finally pulled off into a lookout point. When she took off her helmet, shaking her hair, Lexi couldn’t help it-she had to stare. The way the sun hit Rue’s brown curls just right, it was mesmerizing. “It’s this way.” Rue held out her hand, and Lexi gladly accepted, intertwining their fingers. 

They walked down a narrow dirt path for about a mile. The sun was beginning to set and Lexi was wondering where the hell Rue was taking her. Dragging her into the wilderness at this hour seemed a little odd. “Where are you taking me, Rue? We are in the middle of the damn woods.”

“Relax, Howard. We’re almost there.” They rounded a corner and the trees gave way to a grassy hill. Lexi was starting to realize how out of shape she was as she trekked up the hill after Rue, trying to keep up with her long strides. When they reached the top, she tried to catch her breath, but it immediately hitched in her throat when she saw what was in front of her. 

The field of sunflowers expanded as far as Lexi could see in the valley below. The setting sun and its reddish hues made the field look like it was on fire, as the bright yellow flashed in the glow. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 

“I found this place a couple years ago. When I met you, I knew I had to take you here. It’s perfect for you.” Rue’s face was practically fucking glowing in the evening sun. Lexi thought the flowers were gorgeous, but nothing compared to the girl standing in front of her. She faced Rue and reached up to connect their lips. She knew things were complicated, and that she was taking a huge risk-considering the last time they kissed, Rue ran away-but she didn’t care. All she cared about was kissing Rue. And Rue kissed her back. The second she felt Rue’s tongue move along her bottom lip, she sighed into the taller girl’s mouth, pulling her closer. 

They stood there, kissing for what felt like hours. Lexi had her hand on Rue’s hip, softly running her fingers along the exposed skin there (thank god for crop tops), while Rue tangled her fingers in Lexi’s hair. She could barely breathe but she didn’t care. Rue’s soft lips on hers, their tongues dancing, and her teeth nipping at her bottom lip were enough to drive Lexi fucking insane. At first, she could feel the arousal deep down in her stomach, and then she was well aware of how fucking wet she was as she shifted on her feet. 

Rue was the first to pull away, and Lexi couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Her lips suddenly felt so cold, and she was scared to look at Rue, hoping she hadn’t scared her away again. When they finally met eyes, Lexi was relieved to see Rue smiling down at her. 

“I didn’t want you to miss the sun set.” Rue said, holding Lexi tight, tucking her under her chin. Lexi could hear Rue’s heartbeat as her face was pressed tightly against her chest, and holy fuck-Lexi wasn’t the only one that was excited. 

They stood there, not moving an inch, until the sun had finally gone down beyond the field of sunflowers. Everything was coated in a purple haze as the night fell upon them. Lexi shivered in Rue’s arms, burying her face in Rue’s warm skin. 

Rue kissed Lexi’s forehead, letting her lips linger on the skin. Lexi shuddered-she wanted Rue so bad. 

“Let’s go home, Howard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i WONDER what's gonna happen back at Rue's apartment ;) ;) ;)
> 
> these two are nothing but trouble....and it's gonna blow up in both of their faces. 
> 
> your comments/kudos keep me going <3


	6. Can't Help Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some smut, which probably isn't the best decision given their current situation but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i had to cause some DRAMA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "how could I see you with anyone but me?

On the ride back to her apartment, Rue knew exactly what she was going to do. And it wasn’t the best idea. 

But could she stop herself?

Absolutely not.

Lexi had her arms wrapped tightly around Rue. It was dark after sundown and cold, but the heat between them was overwhelming. At stoplights, Lexi leaned into to kiss the back of Rue’s neck, letting her lips drag on the sensitive skin. Rue shuddered, probably a little too fast, leaving the cars behind them in a cloud of exhaust. 

Rue had never felt a greater sense of anticipation before. Lexi gave off such an aura of innocence, but the way she was kissing Rue’s neck suggested otherwise. When they finally got to Rue’s apartment, she whisked Lexi up the stairs as quickly as humanly possible. 

Yet her body was betraying her. Her hands fumbled with her keys; it was hard to see in the dark stairwell. And it didn’t help that Lexi’s hands were now under her jacket, caressing her hips and lightly dragging her nails over the goosebumps that formed there. 

“I’m never going to be able to fuck you if I can’t get in this aparment.” Rue didn’t mean to be so blunt, but she didn’t care. She held her set of keys inches from her face, hoping she would be able to see better, but her hands were shaking so badly that it didn’t help much. 

“Oh, is that what we’re doing?” Lexi teased, whispering into Rue’s ear. Rue finally found the right key, and barged into her apartment, quickly closing the door behind her. 

Lexi walked over to the edge of Rue’s couch, slowly taking off her jacket and leaning over the edge. She smirked seductively at Rue, which caused the taller girl to flush with arousal.

“The sunflower field really was gorgeous, Rue.” 

“You’re gorgeous, Lexi.” Rue said, finding her breath to be shaky. Lexi’s hair was a fucking mess from their adventure, and her cheeks were flushed from the cold-or was she blushing, Rue couldn’t tell. She walked over to the girl, placing her hands on Lexi’s hips. “A-are you sure about this?” She didn’t want to rush Lexi into something she would regret, even if she was so turned on she could feel herself soaking through her underwear. Their situation was complicated, and Rue knew all too well sex would complicate things. But the way Lexi was gazing up at her, with that fucking smirk on her lips-well, it clouded her judgement a little bit. 

Actually, no. It threw any sort of rational judgment she once had out the fucking window. 

“I want it. I want you.” Lexi whispered, placing her hand on Rue’s chest. She could feel her heart hammering under her ribcage, and she’s sure Lexi could feel it too, because a small smile flashed across her lips. 

“C’mere.” Rue lead Lexi into her bedroom. Had she known this was going to happen, she might have cleaned up a bit. But since Rue virtually lived alone these days, she reverted back to her high school ways. The room was littered with clothes, half full water bottles, and mugs upon mugs of days old tea. Lexi didn’t seem to care, let alone notice, as she made herself at home in Rue’s bed, laying back on the fluffy pillows by the headboard. 

“Comfy bed.” She remarked, looking Rue up and down. She suddenly found herself frozen, standing at the edge of the bed, her body betraying her yet again. She wanted nothing more than to get on top of Lexi, rip her clothes off, and fuck her over and over again, but her mind had different ideas. Jules kept popping into her head. If she did this with Lexi, she would fall even harder for her, and then she would have to end things with the blonde-it wasn’t fair for either of them. Rue wouldn’t be able to give herself fully to someone that could potentially be fantastic for her, and Jules would be held back once again, by someone that lived across the country. 

“Uh-you there, Rue?” Lexi questioned, propping herself up to look at Rue with a worried glance. “Are YOU sure you want to do this? I mean, I know things are complicated but-”

“Yeah, I’m just-” Rue had no idea what to say, that she was thinking about Jules right before she was going to hop into bed with her? That would certainly hurt Lexi’s feelings, which was the last thing on earth she wanted to so right now. “I’m just-falling fast for you, and I know this will make me fall harder.” Rue sat on the edge of the bed, her back to Lexi, feeling defeated and vulnerable. 

“Rue.” Lexi whispered, moving behind her and resting her head on her shoulder. “I want you. But I’m not going anywhere. We can do this tonight, or we can just chill, either way, I’m here...for you.”

Those were the exact right words Rue needed to hear at that moment to shut her mind off and forget about Jules. Forget about the complications. And remember the beautiful girl in front of her, that she so desperately wanted. 

She turned around, softly pushing Lexi back into the mess of pillows, and settling on top of her. She hovered there for a few moments, just looking into Lexi’s eyes-which were wide with surprise and arousal from feeling Rue on top of her. She ran her fingers over Lexi’s lips, marveling at how soft they were, before capturing them in her own. 

The kiss started off slow enough, as they tentatively tested the waters of this new feeling. Lexi’s hands ran up and down Rue’s back, causing the girl on top to shiver. However, the kiss quickly became heated when Lexi’s hands found their way under Rue’s shirt, moving up to the sides of her chest. Rue moaned into her mouth, before kissing down her jaw, nipping at every inch of skin she could get her mouth on, finally finding the spot that caused Lexi to sharply draw in her breath, and sucking on it. The girl underneath was now digging her nails into Rue’s skin, leaving marks all up her back. 

Rue pulled away, which elicited a whimper from Lexi. She quickly took off her shirt and threw it on her messy floor, grinning when she saw Lexi’s jaw drop. Her hands moved from Rue’s stomach to right below her breasts, stopping there and silently asking permission with her gaze to continue. Rue nodded and Lexi moved her hands over Rue, softly squeezing the skin. Rue felt the heat of Lexi’s touch everywhere, especially in between her legs as she ran her thumb over the nipple, pausing to flick it. Rue moaned, feeling especially sensitive as Lexi played with her nipples. She abruptly sat up, as Rue straddled her waist, taking her mouth to the taller girl’s chest. Now, Rue found herself being really loud, as Lexi sucked and bit at the skin, and she tangled her hands in Lexi’s hair, drawing her as close as possible. She used her other hand to tug at the fabric of Lexi’s shirt. 

She could feel Lexi grin into her chest, which was extremely hot. She pulled back and whipped the shirt off. She couldn’t go braless like Rue, so she fumbled with the clasp behind her back, before that joined the pile on the floor as well. 

Rue fell on top of Lexi, and both gasped as soon as they felt the skin on skin contact. Now it was Rue’s turn to explore Lexi, dragging her tongue over her hard nipples. Lexi wrapped her legs around Rue’s waist, bucking her hips as she muffled her moans against one of the pillows. 

“Please...Rue…” She gasped, looking down at Rue who was grinning devilishly up at her before biting at her chest. “I can’t wait…” Rue could really feel her hips bucking now, trying to get any kind of friction against the spot where she needed the most. 

“Hmmm, are you sure?” Rue teased-she enjoyed seeing the girl squirm underneath her. “We’re moving pretty fast…”

Lexi groaned loudly, obviously frustrated. “Please, fuck me.”

“Well, since you were so polite…” 

Rue moved to the button of Lexi’s jeans, never taking her eyes off the girl. She slid them off with tease, and played with the waistband of Lexi’s underwear. She wanted this just as bad as Lexi, but teasing her was entirely too much fun. Instead of taking them off, she ran her fingers over the fabric, pressing down hard against Lexi in the spot she so desperately needed Rue. She was soaking through her underwear, which caused Rue to grin with satisfaction as she applied more pressure. 

“Mmm, you’re so wet, Lex.” She moaned in response, her hips grinding against Rue’s hand. “All this for me?” 

“Y-yes.” Lexi stutterd. “Fuck, Rue. Please!” 

“Okay, you win.” Rue pulled the underwear away, and sucked in her breath. Seeing Lexi naked and writhing on her bed was almost too much-it felt like all the air in the world was being taken away from her. She could have stared at her all day, but Lexi looked at her with such neediness-she had to give the girl what she wanted. 

She moved up to kiss Lexi as she ran her fingers along her slit, before finding the spot that would really drive her crazy. She rubbed over Lexi’s clit, swallowing the moans that escaped her mouth. Lexi’s hips were moving wildly now, trying to find a rhythm with Rue’s torturously slow pace. 

“M-more.” Lexi begged, digging her nails into Rue’s back once again. Rue moved her fingers down, inching her way into Lexi’s entrance with one finger. Lexi bucked into Rue’s hand, gasping when she felt the girl fully inside her. Lexi felt so good, and Rue began to quicken her pace to match Lexi’s movements. She added another finger, loving how tight Lexi felt around her. 

“Does that feel good?” She questioned, already knowing the answer. Lexi’s face was flushed, her eyes squeezed tight. 

“Yes. God, Rue. I’m gonna cum.” Rue let out a pleased noise, as she moved fast and deep inside Lexi now, curling her fingers with every stroke. She could feel Lexi was getting close as she got louder and louder, her walls quivering around Rue’s fingers. 

She didn’t last long at all. With another couple strokes, Lexi cried out Rue’s name and came, hard. Rue found herself grinning as she felt wetness gush out of the girl, keeping up her pace until Lexi rode out her orgasm. 

She collapsed next to Lexi, who was still breathing heavily. She turned to face her, tucking a strand of hair behind Lexi’s ear. The girl smiled sleepily, looking over at Rue with hazy eyes. 

“Wow.” She whispered, kissing the tip of Rue’s nose. 

“Yeah, wow.” Rue replied, reaching down to grab a blanket, inviting Lexi to snuggle up against her chest. 

_ Wow was fucking right.  _

…

Both girls were sound asleep when Rue’s phone started buzzing in her jacket pocket. 

_ Hey baby! I moved things around-see you this weekend <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL UH OH. 
> 
> these two are an absolute disaster and their lust and feelings for each other are gonna cause an absolute angst fest in the next chapter. 
> 
> hope y'all enjoyed! as always, tell me what you think!!


	7. Dangerous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "we're made to love. but you're dangerous, for both of us"

Rue woke up on Saturday morning with her gut doing fucking cartwheels. Her head was pounding and the room seemed hazy as her eyes peeled open, straining from the intensity of the morning sun. It almost felt like a hangover, because Rue hadn’t felt this shitty upon waking up in years. 

Her phone buzzing wildly on her nightstand woke her out of her daze. Rue groaned, blinding reaching over to grab at her phone, and squinting at the bright screen. 

_ Just landed baby, see you soon <3 _

Jules.

That’s why she felt sick to her stomach. All week she had been dreading this visit, because she knew it was going to be Jules’ last. 

Because Rue was finally planning on breaking it off. 

Some might call it rash, but their problems went deeper than the state of Rue’s new relationship with a certain cute brunette. In fact, after their night in bed together, Rue and Lexi had a long talk, and Rue decided that for the week before Jules’ visit, that they spend some time apart. Not because she wanted to, but because she needed to really think things through before seeing her girlfriend. Lexi completely understood, and left Rue with a reassuring kiss on the cheek, letting Rue know she wasn’t going anywhere. 

They still texted all day everyday. Rue couldn’t help herself. Lexi made her feel things she hadn’t felt in years, since high school. It felt impossible to be away from her, even if it was only a few days, because the image of Lexi, writhing naked underneath Rue, moaning her name huskily in her ear was imprinted in her brain. Lexi was fucking distracting, and Rue couldn’t help but touch herself thinking about the brunette. 

But she did get to think a lot. She thought while in her bed at night, while drinking her morning tea, while tattooing. Her and Jules had grown even farther apart in the past couple years; there was this distance between them even when they were in the same room. She had love for Jules- how could she not? But it wasn’t fair to either of them to keep this relationship going for any longer. 

So that’s how Rue found herself hunched over her toilet on a Saturday morning, puking her guts out as Jules made her way to her apartment. 

…

“You’re breaking up with ME? For that mousy girl from the other day???” Jules was pacing around Rue’s apartment, screaming, frantically running her hands through her hair. Rue had never seen her this upset, and honestly, she felt terrible. 

“It’s not just because of her! We have problems and you know it, Jules. We fight all the fucking time, when you are in town that is!” Rue had explained to Jules how much it had hurt her when Jules decided to focus on her career in fashion in New York. There was plenty of opportunity for her career to blossom in LA, but Rue knew that Jules secretly just wanted to get away. She had spent the majority of her teenage years, and a lot of her adulthood taking care of Rue and constantly worrying about her. She needed to get the fuck out, and Rue knew that. It didn’t mean it hurt her any less. 

“This is not about me fucking working in New York and you know it!” Jules yelled back. “You were fine with it for so long! Telling me you wanted me to pursue my dreams and shit-”

“And I fucking did Jules! But you never asked me to go out there with you. And you know I would have! I would have done anything for you! You never even invite me out there.”

“You never seemed to care.” Jules said, softening her voice. “You think fashion is boring.”

“And how the fuck would you know? You never talk to me.” Rue spat back. This is not how she wanted this to go. When Jules had first gotten back, Rue sat her down, calmly explaining to her that she didn’t feel in sync with her anymore, that things had become too hard. Then, she mentioned she had connected with someone else, and how she felt uncomfortable with that, given the spoken rules of their open relationship. And that’s when Jules blew up. At first, Rue was surprised Jules immediately knew about Lexi. But then, she remembered she wore her damn heart on her sleeve, and Jules knew her better than anyone, so she could definitely see the looks she was giving Lexi the day they met. 

“You know what, Rue? Fuck you!” Jules screamed. “I gave up fucking everything for you in high school and beyond, and now you are fucking guilt tripping me for pursuing my dream? It’s total bullshit.”

“I never asked you to give all that up for me! I just wanted to be a part of your life!” This was quickly spiraling out of control, and Rue’s emotions were slipping. When she got angry,  _ really angry _ , it was hard to talk her down. And she was past that boiling point now. “But you never wanted that did you? You just kept stringing me along, because you knew I would never leave. But guess what Jules? I’m fucking leaving. So now you can go do whatever the fuck you want, and be with someone who isn’t as fucked up as me. It’s what you always wanted, right?” Jules stared at her, opening her mouth and quickly closing it. She knew Rue was right; she just couldn’t admit it. “I don’t give a fuck, I found someone better anyways.”

That last part stung for Jules, and Rue could tell. Her eyes had been wild with anger before, and now turned to sadness. She really did love Rue; she just never felt like she could be enough for her. New York was a way to escape all that pressure, even if it did cost her relationship with Rue. 

“Go fuck yourself, Rue.” Jules said quietly, fighting back tears. Her fists were clenched tightly by her sides, Rue thought the blonde might hit her. She thought she honestly deserved it; her anger had gotten the best of her, and she had said things she instantly regretted. But her and Jules weren’t right for each other anymore; Rue could feel it deep down in her bones. She just wished she hadn’t been as damn harsh. 

Jules quickly grabbed her bag, and slammed the door to Rue’s apartment so hard that Rue thought it would break. She threw herself on the couch, burying her face deep in the cushions, and immediately began to sob. 

…

Lexi shot out the door of her shop right at 5, which almost NEVER happened. She usually spent the next hour organizing her orders for the next day and tidying up. But not today. Today, she got a text from Rue, and Lexi was desperate to see her. 

_ Come over after work, please? _

Lexi knew Jules had just gotten into town. She was anxious as hell; she knew the talk they were about to have was going to be messy, and Lexi wasn’t sure of the outcome. Rue had told her that she wanted to explore their relationship, but her and Jules had so much history. It couldn’t be easy to leave that all behind. Not to mention, Jules was fucking gorgeous, and so high fashion that Lexi felt ridiculous in comparision. 

The walk over to Rue’s was calming; it gave Lexi time to think. The closer she got to the shop, the more confident she felt. She could see the honesty behind Rue’s dark brown eyes.  _ So fucking intense.  _ She wanted, no HAD TO believe that Rue’s feelings for her were real; that they were worth leaving Jules for. 

Lexi was about to pull on the front door, when a sharp tug pulled her back. She whipped around, thinking someone was attacking her, and was shocked to see Jules in front of her. The blonde’s makeup was running down her face, her eyes extremely puffy from crying. Her brows were furrowed in anger, and Lexi was fucking terrified. She would have almost rather it had been a random attacker; she could have just thrown her purse at them and ran away. But facing Jules? Lexi wanted nothing to do with it. 

“I need to fucking talk to you.” Jules said through gritted teeth. 

“W-what?” Lexi could barely speak, her words caught in her throat. 

“Don’t play fucking dumb with me. Rue just ended things with me twenty minutes ago, and all the sudden you are over here? Do you guys think I’m fucking stupid?”

“N-no, I don’t know what happened between-”

“YES, YOU DO.” Jules was inches away from Lexi now, and Lexi could feel her hot breath on her face. “She’s leaving me, for you.” She whispered menacingly, before cocking her fist, hitting Lexi as hard as she could. For a second, Lexi thought she was going to black out, she was seeing stars dance in front of her eyes. She had never been hit before in her life, and the pain was excruciating.

It all happened so fast after that. Rue must have heard Jules yelling at Lexi on the sidewalk below her apartment. She was screaming at Jules, while another tattoo artist from the shop held her back. Rue came over to comfort Lexi, who was kneeling on the ground, her hands covering her face. 

“Lex, Lex! Are you okay?” She questioned, trying to remove Lexi’s hands from her face to see the damage. Lexi’s ears were ringing; she could barely hear anything. 

“Huh?” Lexi whispered. It was all she could manage at this point. Her head was fucking throbbing. She kept her eyes shut tight. The world was spinning around her and she knew if she opened her eyes, she would fall face first. 

“You are gonna have quite the black eye.” Rue said, removing Lexi’s hands from her face. “C’mon, let’s get you some ice.” Rue slowly put her arms around Lexi, lifting the girl up, and steadying her before she moved any further. “Rico, let her go.” Rico still had his hands tightly around Jules arms, not letting her move an inch.

“Don’t you want me to call the cops?” 

“No. I never want to see her again.” Rue lead Lexi upstairs, taking each step slowly. Lexi could hear Jules yelling behind her, cursing at Rue, calling Lexi a whore. She tried to ignore it, but it only made her head throb worse. 

When they got into Rue’s apartment, Rue slowly let Lexi down on the couch, and immediately began rummaging in the kitchen. Lexi’s head felt like it was going to explode, and she brought both her fingers to her temple, gently rubbing on the sensitive skin. 

“Rue, it hurts.” She groaned, reaching her hand out. “Where are you?”

“I’m right here baby.” Rue said reassuringly, coming to Lexi’s side with tall glass of water and an ice pack, placing it carefully on Lexi’s eye. Lexi gasped at the cold, but then immediately felt better, as it took away from some of the pain. “Here, take these.” Rue gave Lexi some Tylenol, and then moved her hand to Lexi’s cheek, stroking the skin there. “I’m so fucking sorry Lexi. I had no idea she would do something like that, this is all my-”

“You couldn’t have known.” Lexi interrupted, placing her hand over Rue’s. “And you’re taking care of me now, that’s all that matters.”

“I wouldn’t have slept with you had I known this would happen.” Rue said, quickly spiraling. 

“Oh you wouldn’t have?” Lexi asked, teasingly, smirking up at Rue. 

“You’re right, I still would have. You’re really hard to resist, Howard.”

“I know.” Lexi could feel her face getting red, as Rue gently placed a kiss at the corner of her mouth. 

“So let’s get you feeling better so we can do it again.” Rue whispered into Lexi’s neck, making the girl shudder. All the pain from her head was suddenly dull, because all she could think about was Rue and the way she had made her feel last week. 

Maybe getting punched in the face wasn’t so bad after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE!!!
> 
> i have been in a major depression haze lately, on top of being busy as hell and haven't gotten around to writing anything.
> 
> also, i am SO SORRY for writing jules like this, i literally have no idea how to write her as anything but a bitch in my REXI fics, i don't hate her at all, i just suck and needed to make this story more angsty, lol. 
> 
> let me know what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what y'all think! 
> 
> again, props to @cuhlexah, give her a follow on twitter!
> 
> you can follow me as well at @ejo844


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